It can be scary to find out that your partner needs surgery to form a stoma – whether the stoma operation is planned in advance or if it came unexpectedly. It’s a worrying time for both of you but with the right support, it doesn’t have to change your life negatively. In this blog, we will explore how to support your partner with a stoma.
How to support your partner before stoma surgery
It is important to get involved as soon as you find out your partner needs surgery. Start by researching what a stoma is and familiarise yourself with stoma bags. There are different types of stoma surgery, so be clear on which type they are getting and why. This way, you are mentally prepared for what’s to come and you can also help your partner explain the surgery to others, which might be overwhelming for them. You may be able to attend appointments with them – use this opportunity to ask any questions.
Your partner will have their own worries and concerns so it’s important to talk openly and honestly together. Reassure them wherever possible and discuss how you can be an advocate for them during and after the operation. You could help them pack a bag for their hospital stay, plan transport to and from the hospital and batch-cook some meals to eat during their recovery period. Practical preparation like this can help make the prospect of surgery less overwhelming for both of you.
How to support your partner after stoma surgery
Recovery from a major operation is exhausting. Be prepared for your partner to need lots of rest. Encourage them to follow the advice of their stoma team who will give instructions on when to return to gentle activity and what is safe for them. NHS guidelines suggest returning to normal activities after around 8 weeks, but everyone’s journey will have a different timeline and your partner will need time to heal and adjust to life with a stoma.
The most important thing is that you listen to them and provide them with the physical and emotional support they need. If they are struggling with their mental health, it can help if you keep a positive attitude and try to keep things light-hearted – but be sympathetic and never downplay their struggles.
You should continue to show your partner affection, whether through verbal affirmations, holding their hand or as simple as a well-needed hug. Stoma surgery can affect body image, so reassure them that the surgery hasn’t affected the way they look and you love them just as much as you did before.
Do not expect to return to physical intimacy straight away, but your partner’s stoma should not stop them from enjoying sex. Have a chat with your stoma team to establish the right time to resume sexual activity. Communication is key to re-establishing intimacy, so discuss your feelings with your partner and make sure they’re ready and comfortable.
Read more – What to expect after stoma surgery
How to support your partner with a stoma bag
You can get involved with their ostomy care, if this is something your partner is comfortable with. They may need help changing their stoma bag, or you can help in simple ways such as offering to carry extra stoma supplies for them. If they experience a leak, respond in a sensitive way and offer help to clean up to reduce any embarrassment they may feel.
Encourage them to speak to a doctor if they are experiencing stoma problems, such as due to leaks or skin irritation. Be aware of products designed to help ostomates such as medical adhesive remover or stoma barrier films. You could assist them in researching the best options and ordering free samples.
Your partner’s stoma will change over time – the pouch may change, the stoma may shrink, and discharge and output will change. Ask their stoma nurse as many questions as you need – there are no silly questions.
Further reading and helpful resources for supporting ostomates
Here are some of the best resources to help you support your partner with a stoma, from learning about stomas to connecting with others in a similar position:
- NHS: Colostomy and ileostomy information
- Cancer Research UK: Urostomy information
- Crohn’s and Colitis UK: Supporting someone
- Bladder & Bowel Stoma Hub
- Colostomy UK helpline and support groups
- Urostomy Association support
